oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
