i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
