I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
