what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
