i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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