remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
zippers are such a cool invention
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
