I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
