Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
