Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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