I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
