My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
