I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
