So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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