I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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