i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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