Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
