The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
