masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
