never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
