Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
