wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
