i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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