I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
