yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
