? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
