I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
