its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
