Hey man sorry I got all grabby
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
