We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
