if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He shit in the fireplace
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
