Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
