In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.