nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
