Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises