is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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