i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
