i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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