He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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