theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
