i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
