I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
