Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
