I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
