she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
