Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
