Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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