Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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