someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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