Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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