he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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