I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
