I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have post one night stand depression
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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