Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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