Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
