i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
