1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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