My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
