Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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