Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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