I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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