i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
