shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
