Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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