At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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