i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
