clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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