You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize