TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
