dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
