Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
