I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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