I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
