I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
