i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
