problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
