Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
