We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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