Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
where am i from again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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