i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.