That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.