She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?