ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance