told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
