So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
