he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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