I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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