my soul wont recognize me after tonight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
